This sentence is a lie.

Professor: Usually we are very dishonest about ourselves in Russia.

Overheard in Academic IV
by Tim

It’s just rude to skip the foreplay.

Professor: “I can’t just take off my shirt and show you my sensation-seeker.”

Overheard in Academic IV
by Elle

He’s new to the whole “Father” business.

Girl:I mean, she had an illegitimate child by the pastor and didn’t even have the decency to get an abortion.

Overheard in Academic IV
by Dan

Now follow me over to the Erickson School!

Professor: If I do nothing else, I can teach you how to taunt the elderly.

Overheard in a Philosophy class, Academic IV
by Hickleper

That’s an interesting interpretation of “Love thy neighbor”…

Professor: What would Jesus do? Jesus would kill the tards.

Overheard in Lecture Hall 4, Academic IV Building
by viva_espain

Then you can ask that Psychology professor how to trick a lie detector test.

(We already have a guy at UMBC who does that.)

Professor: When we talk about euthanasia I’ll tell you how to kill 300 people without leaving any forensic evidence. No, really.

Overheard in a Philosophy class, Lecture Hall 4, Academic IV Building
By Christina

Whoops, I YouTube’d “Panda sneezing” instead.

Professor: You don’t want to taunt pandas, believe me. (pauses) YouTube, When Pandas Attack!

Overheard in a Philosophy class, Lecture Hall 4, Academic IV Building
By Christina

U Must Be Conceiving

Professor: To avoid getting pregnant, don’t hold hands with a boy.

Overheard in Lecture Hall 4, Academic IV Building
by kt

His answer jumps up to 8 if he stops pretending you’re the victim, professor.

(Professor asks class to rank murder on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of the severity of a crime.)
Student 1: 7
Student 2: 5
Student 3: 9
Student 4: 8
Professor: 7, 8, 9.. I heard a 5 from someone maybe with little respect for human life.

Overheard in a Philosophy class, Lecture Hall 4, Academic IV Building
By Christina

You gotta prep ‘em for the cold, harsh, reality.

Professor: That’s the best thing I did last Christmas…tell a little 4 year old there was no Santa Claus.

Overheard in a Philosophy class, Lecture Hall 4, Academic IV Building
By Christina